Anna.

The fat old lady smiled at me,
The single smiling face in a silent crowd
Of Soviet musicians and their guardian angels
All dressed in silver grey suits.

After I had sung,
(Something by Brahms, or was it Tchaikovsky?),
My teenage treble out glistered by the grand chandeliers
That hung in the semi darkness
Of the great domed smoky ceiling, they all applauded,
But none as sincerely as Anna.

Years later, as we talked in her small apartment,
Swamped by hot house flowers and the scent of brewing tea;
The plain shelves filled with books I loved to look at,
But could barely decipher
Because I had not been encouraged to study my father`s language,
I slowly became aware she had once been an exceptional beauty,
Photographed, sketched and painted by artists in Moscow and Paris.

Anna has been dead for fifty years,
And I have read her Requiem, her Wind of War, her Poem Without
                                                                                              a Hero,
In English translation, (unlike my sister, I still cannot read a word,
Cannot come to terms with the bleak originals),
And so I experience her voice as a deaf man might hear music,
A distorted, muted echo that clogs up syntax
But does not kill the pain that honed these poems of Terror.

Anna, it is not the gulag that first comes to mind
When I think of you waiting in line in the Leningrad snow,
Head bent low with sorrow,
It is the hard won smile you gave me, two decades later
As I stood on the stage, imperfectly speaking your language,
But stunned by the love in your eyes.


Trevor John Karsavin Potter.
November 17th. 2017.